10 Things Girls Need Most, by Steve Biddulph

So good I bought it!!!

I was super excited about this new release. I jumped onto my local library catalogue to reserve a copy before it was even available. I was number 3 in the queue, so I had to wait a few weeks to get my little mitts on it. But luckily the day were flying out to Bali it was there for me at the library so I got to take it for some holiday reading – HAHAHAHAHA! I took 4 kids on an overseas holiday, when was I going to read?

But now I’ve had a chance to read it I am certain every parent of a daughter needs this book.

I don’t want to give too much away, but I also want to let you know what topics it covers in an effort to convince you to read it. So here are my highlights.

One of the chapters explores the idea that our daughters are ‘wild’ creatures with a need to be in nature and take risks, something I had thought before but had never been able to articulate.  He explains his concern that many children, but especially girls, are missing out on experiences that would give them feelings of confidence and self-reliance because they don’t get enough time outdoors, or doing messy play.

Another topic he discusses, that I think doesn’t get talked about enough, is the role of an auntie. He explains that as a girl grows she needs other women, than just her mother, to listen to her, validate her, teach her, support and love her. He also helps grown women understand how to be a valuable auntie.

He also has a chapter on ‘backbone’. He has great ideas for helping our daughters develop a healthy level of stubbornness. He wants them to be able to stand up for themselves and go after what they want in life.

The book is something of a workbook, with sections for parents to reflect on their own childhood and the lessons they learned or missed out on to help you identify strengths and deficits in your character. They also help you think more deeply about your child and what their character is like.

A few years ago we went to a talk by Steve Biddulph and I learned that my parenting style is the parenting style my child receives. I might think I am a present, supportive, encouraging parent, but my child might think I am suffocating, over protective and demanding. The exercises and questions in this book become such a valuable tool to help you reflect on your parent-daughter relationship as it is and how you would like it to be.

Steve often reminds us that children learn best from examples. So for our girls to develop positive characteristics they need to see someone who has successfully developed them already. So, for me personally, the biggest thing I take away from reading this book is that for my daughters to become the type of woman I want them to become, they need to see that type of woman – in me.